COCKTAILS FOR THE REFINED GENTLEMAN. Well boys, wedding season is upon us. Even if you’re not getting married this summer (or fall. Or whenever, you can have a wedding whenever you want, goddammit, because America), and even if you’re not in a wedding party, chances are good that you will at least be attending a wedding or six in the coming weeks and months.

Weddings mean different things to different people. Like for the bride and groom (or other bride or other groom – just go with spouse, if you want) a wedding is a time for getting married. For parents of the new spouses, it means a time for their son or daughter to get married. For the rest os us, it means obligatory dancing balanced by the promise of plenty of food and drink.

Let’s cut the chaff and talk about the wheat, which in this case means the drink. Whether you’re planning the menu for your own wedding or just trying to decide what to ask the bartender to make you that will get you ready to bust a move (do people still say that), at most marriage-related ceremonies, there is a plethora of champagne. Now sparkling wine might not be your favorite beverage, and you may even think it unfit for a gent of your caliber, but let’s use make the most of it, shall we, and make some delicious, potent beverages that everyone can enjoy. To excess.

Here are five delicious champagne cocktails that are anything but dainty.

ATOMIC CHAMPAGE COCKTAIL – Named After The Bomb. Like Actually.

ATOMICAs you probably know, the point of most cocktails is nothing more than to soften and disguise the taste of hard liquor which, fine whiskey and a very good gin aside, can often taste wretched without a little help. Or in this case, a lot of help, mainly from other liquors. In fact, nothing goes into this drink that isn’t booze. It’s like the Long Island Iced Tea of champagne drinks: a classy way to get drunk enough to drop any semblance of class. Behold:

  1. Pour a Generous Shot of Vodka Into a Shaker
  2. Pour a Hearty Shot of Brandy In, Too
  3. Add a Teaspoon or So of Sherry
  4. Shake Those Three Characters Up with Lots of Ice
  5. Strain the Blend Into a Glass and Top with About 2 Ounces Decent Champagne
  6. Boom. Which Means Drink

CHAMPAGNE PUNCH – The Secret Ingredient? Liquor

gin punch alcohol liquor fruit food wine

If you’re not careful, this delicious nutritiousconcoction will get you very, very drunk. On the other hand, if that’s your goal, there are few tastier, subtler ways to get pleasantly hammered at that next office party/wedding/bar or bat mitzvah than with a glass or eight of this stuff, one of the stronger champagne punches around. You might even say it packs a wallop! Or a punch, I mean — it packs a punch.

  1. Pour a Standard Bottle of Champagne Into an Ice-Filled Bowl
  2. Pour a Liter of Ginger Ale Into the Bowl
  3. Pour 375 ml (half a standard bottle) of Vodka Into the Bowl
  4. Pour 375 ml Apricot Brandy Into the Bowl
  5. Add Some Random Fruit, Like Maybe Raspberries? Orange Slices?
  6. Stir, Sip, Slurp, Gulp, Drunk

THE BLACK VELVET – Beer and Bubbly, Unite!

BLACK VELVETThat’s right, this unique beverage blends beer and champagne together. You might think that’s a terrible idea, but you’re wrong. Assuming you thought that, I mean. If you didn’t think that, then you’re right. Or at least not wrong, per say. Or… you know, we’re getting off topic: just try the damn thing; chances are you have stout in your fridge anyway. Here’s how you make a Black Velvet:

  1. Fill a Pint Glass Halfway with a Good Stout
  2. Fill the Rest of the Glass with Champagne (no need for top shelf)
  3. Stir n’ Drink

THE SPARKLING JULEP – South Meets France

JJJULPEThe purest way to make a refreshing Sparkling Julep cocktail is remarkable easy: you just pour a glass of champagne, drop a cube of sugar into the glass, add a few twists of mint leaf, and then throw the concoction into a dumpster wholesale! Let’s see if we can do a little better, shall we?

  1. Pour 4 Ounces Champagne Into a Wide Glass
  2. Add About 2 Ounces Spicy Ginger Beer
  3. Pour In 2 Ounces Bourbon
  4. Drop In a Sugar Cube and 8 – 10 Mint Leaves
  5. Stir, Add Ice, and Enjoy


SCREWAs you probably know, the magic recipe when it comes to a mimosa is three parts champagne to one part orange juice. If you can handle that much math, then I’m confident you can handle this twist on the traditional booze breakfast beverage. Let’s find out; here’s the breakdown:

  1. One Part Vodka
  2. One Part Champagne
  3. One Part Orange Juice

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