5 Apps No Man Should Have on His iPhone
The app store now features over 500,000 apps (and that’s just counting Apple)—but with those odds, not all of them can be winners.
So we decided to round up some of the worst apps that a man could have on his phone. Not only will these apps question your masculinity, but if a woman would ever see these on your mobile, she may just chuck your beloved iPhone out the window. So check them out—and if you’re guilty, get to cleaning up that iPhone of yours.
What it does: This app was designed to help you “break up, not down.” Upon entering your ex-lover’s info, it prevents you from having any sort of contact with your ex—like outgoing calls, text messages, and email. And that’s not all: It also provides the user with a tracking number, recording the number of consecutive days that you’ve gone without contacting your ex.
We get it, breakups can be tough—but having an app on your phone that reminds you of your ex everyday doesn’t seem like the best way to get over her. Cost: Free
What it does: This app not only provides the user with cocktail recipes, it spits out random words of wisdom on the side (For example: “Worried about your judgment? Make a don’t let me go home with him Daiquiri!” or “Trying to cut back on calories? Try a control top cosmopolitan!”) The website’s description elaborates on the features by stating the following: “With special expert tips on what to do in the event of emergencies—like encountering clingy guys, mullets, or kankles—Cocktail Deeva will leave you shaking, mixing, and stirring like a pro.”
Your first problem: You’re walking around with an app that has the word “Deeva” in its title. Your second problem: You’re taking mixology advice from an app whose target audience is most likely females who’ve just had their 21st birthday. What do you do if you’re not a beer guy? Simple: Wow your woman by whipping up one of these four killer cocktails—recommended by real bartenders. Cost: $1.99
What it does: The name says it all gentleman—it’s an app that makes fart noises. In fact, this app doesn’t merely make a single farting sound, it comes equipped with 30 different farting noises, timed farts, a recording option so you can document your own—and so much more!
The better move: Crack a joke on something embarrassing you did in the past, or show her an old, awkward license photo. A study in the Journal of Evolutionary Psychology found that women were attracted to guys with a self-deprecating sense of humor. But just don’t overdo it, though—no one wants a guy with low-self esteem. Cost: $0.99
What it does: Tired of dealing with a real-life girlfriend? This app may be for you! The “Pocket Girlfriends” app literally lets you take a virtual girlfriend around with you in your pocket—she talks to you, she can answer your questions, she interacts with you, and can you can literally customize her in dozens of different ways.
But just a heads up: You may need to end your virtual relationship if you plan on having any human contact in the near future. (And in the meantime, you can always get ahead of the game and brush up on where to look for the ladies.) Cost: $0.99